A Childhood Memory
I cannot remember the exact day or time, but I do remember the heavy Abuja heat and the low hum of the air conditioner. My mother called us for a rare family meeting. My father sat on the couch, serious-faced, with my mother beside him.
“Baba Ugo is dead. He died yesterday on his way to the hospital,” my father said.
Baba Ugo had been part of our lives for years—his warmth, laughter, and presence shaped many memories. The news stunned me. Yet, what left the deepest mark was not his passing but my father’s reaction. His face carried pain, his eyes shimmered, but no tears fell. Instead, he moved straight into funeral plans.
Why could he not cry? I later realised he was not incapable of tears. He had simply been taught that men must never cry. But where does this rule come from? And what does it cost us?
Boys Are Taught to Hide Their Tears
From an early age, boys learn to “man up” and suppress their feelings. In Nigeria and across the world, they are told to be strong, silent, and fearless. Crying is dismissed as weakness.
However, the impact of this social conditioning is serious. Men who avoid showing emotion are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. They also struggle to build deep, supportive relationships and face higher risks of stress-related illnesses such as heart disease.
Importantly, this is not biology—it is learned behavior. Research shows boys and girls cry at the same rate until society teaches boys not to. The ability to cry is human, not male or female.
Why Crying Matters
Crying is not just about sadness. It serves both the body and the mind. Emotional tears actually release stress hormones from the body. Many people report feeling calmer and clearer after crying, which acts as a natural reset.
By contrast, suppressing tears has the opposite effect. Stress builds, hormones spike, and health suffers. Repressed emotions can also fuel anger, anxiety, and isolation.
Moreover, tears serve connection. Crying signals need, inviting empathy and comfort. When men stifle this response, they lose opportunities for closeness and support.
Redefining Masculinity
The good news is that change is possible. Masculinity does not have to mean silence. True strength can also mean emotional honesty.
Healthy masculinity includes flexibility, expression, and vulnerability. Therapists now use approaches that encourage men to open up without shame. Schools that teach boys emotional literacy are helping undo harmful lessons early. Even public figures speaking openly about emotion and mental health are reshaping what it means to be a man.
The Courage to Cry
The old belief that “men don’t cry” is a myth. Crying does not make men weak; it helps them heal and connect with others. Teaching boys that vulnerability is strength prepares them to live fuller, healthier lives.
A man who cries is not broken. He is whole.
References
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